The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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