I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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