I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
