I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
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riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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