Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She needs sedatives and a leash
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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