I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
