I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
