just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
