I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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