Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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