if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
