her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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