I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
