At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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