oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Banned from zoo.
Again?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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