I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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