You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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