SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
