im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
