remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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