You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
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I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
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I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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