I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.