he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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