I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
