insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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