You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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