someone owes me an orgasm
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You're like the curious george of whores
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
