My hand turned me down
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
