I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
