That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
