she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
