I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
jump out the window naked night went bad
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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