yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
