i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
