I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
