If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
