you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
