: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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