it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
