It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
