You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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