im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i think i just lost a toe
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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