It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
