dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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