It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
