He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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