She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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