Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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