My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
