one two three fourrrrnication!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
