Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
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Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
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I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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