I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
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i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
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Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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