So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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