Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
