good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
time to smoke my breakfast
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
